Dis is me, Eccles

Dis is me, Eccles
Dis is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Priests may still wear religious symbols in church

In a landmark decision, the European Court of Human Rights has ruled that priests will still be allowed to wear symbols of their faith in church, except when they are banned on Health and Safety grounds. On the other hand, priests will be forbidden from preaching any controversial religious doctrines, such as the existence of Good and Evil.

Blogfen

How many Health and Safety violations can you count?

In the picture above, several Health and Safety violations were noted. In future, the priest and servers will be required to wear flame-proof clothing if they wish to continue to use lighted candles in the church. It will also be necessary to have a fire extinguisher prominently displayed on the altar. Moreover, the crucifix at the east end of the church must be removed, in case it falls on someone.

Liturgical gas mask

Approved vestments for priests, in cases where incense levels are dangerously high.

Some people have argued that forcing a priest to wear a gas mask while preaching may make his words totally inaudible. This, however, is not normally considered to be a disadvantage. Holy Water is also banned on Health and Safety grounds, as it is known to cause severe burning to demons, devils and liberal Catholics.

Following the ECHR rulings, anyone now has the human right to object should the priest attempt to utter controversial religious doctrines, even in his own church. This includes vicious bullying statements such as "You know, marriage is really supposed to be between a man and a woman, not three men and an elephant" or "Alas, we don't have the facilities for conducting a special Mass for Catholics who like being handcuffed to the bed and slapped with wet fish."

Fish-slappers Mass

On our way to Mass.

In a landmark piece of opportunism, David Cameron today said, "I am proud that our government has preserved the right of priests to wear religious symbols in church; this is what Conservatism is all about."

18 comments:

  1. Oi. Bruvver Eccles! You is not allowed to utilise my photos wivout giving me a plugg!

    ;-p

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    Replies
    1. Sorry, sis.

      LUVVLY PHOTTO FROM MAC MCLERNON (SISTER MULIER FORTIS)

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  2. Blimey! If anybody ever notices the Orfodox we is in big trubble man. I reckon they'll ignore us cos we is "efnick".

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  3. Could the deacon keep the fire extinguisher handy under his biretta?

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  4. De orfidox will have to take Der hats off and shave Der beards, specially de nuns. Xx Jess

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  5. Hey,dis is something wot I just heard.Some more pussons are now tryin to get their cases heard.Cos ater dis rulin dey say de ECHR is not doin equal justice becos if de priests can wear religion symbos in de workplace all pussons can.

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  6. Well listen,dis is wot I just heard. A thousand priests are protestin dis rulin.Dey are sendin a thousand letters to de Telegraph and askin Damian for his support and will he blog about it.Dey is oganizin a Million Priest March for early next week at the ECHR carrin' banners sayin YOUR NOT DE BOSS OF US.But a Priest Spokesman said all de priests will be wearin'gas masks

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  7. Oh evweone,I jus wed dis on de world wide universal internet. De Vatican has released a Statement fwom de, I mean the Pope in reply to de ECHR rulin.The Pope says ,'ECHR,if you're goin to act this way then just stay out of religion.You are not the Boss of Religion.I am.The Pope will not be at the Million Priest March but they have his full support,de Vatican spokesman said.

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  8. I can't see Vladyka gettin is beard under that gasmask no way.

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  9. Nuns is not permitted to shave. It's a canon of Niceone Two innit.

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  10. An by the way - if anybody from the guvmint come down ere and tell my uncle Fanouri he got to stand up in the holy Church and clap crowns on a pair of poustis - well I aint answerin for the consequences. E wuz in the Army when the Turks came innit. Ma sez e kebabed a af dozen of the misbelievin bastids wiv is bare ands.

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  11. Had British Airways been planning on changing its tail fin, which at present features a detail from a flag made up of no fewer than three Crosses?

    There was none of this when it was owned by the Union of which that is the Flag.

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  12. WOW!That is just crazy.

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  13. My friend says he wants to marry a pig in a church; he says it shud be allowed now in the freeworld

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  14. This is CLASSIC !!!

    Congratulations for your genius, bruvver Eccles !!!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, bruvver Jabba, all praise is welcome.

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  15. Wot you got against elephants? Seen my wife lately?

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